I woke up this morning in a dark place. It was literally storming outside and the thunder woke me up. Usually the little baby that sleeps on my bladder wakes me up but not today. I got up to pee then climbed back in bed hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep before a certain early-bird three year old came knocking at my door. But my over-packed brain had other ideas. All the worries and stresses of these past few months and the upcoming months flooded my mind and thus ensued a panic attack.
Joe woke up to me crying and gasping for breath. (Not how you want to start your Wednesday, or any day really) He just held me for awhile and then offered comforting words. He didn’t try to “fix”anything because we both know our situation is way beyond anything we can realistically fix. As we both sat in the darkness, holding on to each other, we realized there was nothing we could do to escape this season of our life. We felt very alone and left only clinging to God as our hope.
The remainder of the morning was pretty slow. As the rain continued to fall I spent some time in the word, talking to God and cuddling 2 sweet little boys. Throughout the day Joe sent me text messages or instant messages with encouragements. Then I started to receive texts and messages from family and friends that wanted to encourage and help us through this difficult season. As the sun started to peer through the clouds the tiny seed of hope in my heart started to sprout. God was showing me his faithfulness in a very tangible way, through the body of Christ.
People actually wanted to walk along side us through this valley. They wanted to bring us food, watch our children, lend a listening ear and pray for us. This is truly what the body of Christ is intended to look like. People that use actions before words. People that speak life and not condemnation. People that will sacrifice their daily needs to get down in the trenches and walk with you in the mud.
This season of life led me to a completely broken and dark place. I’ve felt abandoned, abused and mistreated. But I know that God is using these difficult life things to draw me closer to him. And if all of this pain and hardship is just to bring me into the light of his glory… so be it.